You Decide What the Situation Means

One Saturday I had big plans.

But I woke up with a little bit of a groggy head (probably Friday night's pizza and pumpkin free for all 😎), and my wife put the baby in my bed area so she could go to our other bed and get a good two-hour nap.

I was okay with it because she has the baby all night. I tried to have a little fun with him, took him outside, and then he got a little whiny. After her nap, I gave him back to my wife. That was the morning.

Then I made the most beautiful cup of Danger Coffee with a special fall seasoning: pumpkin pie spice, a tiny bit of maple syrup, a couple scoops of real 100% organic pumpkin, a little grass-fed butter, Baja sea salt, and some almond milk. (😎 15% off your first order with code TONY dangercoffee.com/directyourlife.)

My own little unique twist on a pumpkin spice latte. I friggin' loveeeeeed it. It was the best cup I made all month.

I took a cold shower, started to clear up my head, and sipped my coffee at my workstation.

Then the day changed.

Well, There Goes the Plan

My wife was upset and in a little pain because of a personal physical eye irritant. We decided she probably needed to get it taken care of today, so she made an appointment.

Of course, I would've rather spent the day outside in the sun in this perfect weather, writing this very blog post earlier in the day. But I obliged.

I thought, All right, this will help her with her discomfort and hopefully elevate her mood. Because when you're physically uncomfortable—and it's constant—it can be hard to stay in an uplifting mood.

During all this, I decided to take a little break. Instead of writing a blog, I read one. I found this guy, Malte Marten, on YouTube playing a handpan drum.

It was beautiful.

There was a lot going on with the baby and my wife, and I just let his music play while I read part of his blog. It brought me this feeling of peace and bliss. I ended up listening to his music the entire day and into the evening.

He was writing about the nervous system—the sympathetic (fight or flight) and parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous systems, how we need both, and how important it is to spend time in that calmer state. And there I was, listening to his handpan music and actually experiencing some of what I was reading about.

Bliss.

It's funny because this is how I see things. When I catch these moments, I'm able to utilize them.

Are you with me, dear reader?

Because that little decision—to find something useful in the middle of a chaotic morning—is really what this entire story is about.

Then She Forgot the Phone

We got in the car, and I continued playing this beautiful handpan music. We arrived at the appointment.

My wife realized she had forgotten her phone. I dropped her off. Luckily, I was moving in a little bit of slow-motion mode because three or four minutes later, she came walking back out.

"Wait. This isn't the place."

She needed to call them. We called and found out they were actually at a different location.

So now we're hunting them down.

My wife started talking about how horrible it would've been if I had already left. Without her phone, what would she have done?

And my brain went somewhere completely different.

Well... that could've been good for you.

It could've been the best part of your day. Maybe you would've had to sit somewhere for 20 or 30 minutes without your phone in a situation you didn't want to be in.

Maybe you would've reflected. Maybe you would've noticed something you never would've noticed. Maybe you would've talked to someone you never would've talked to.

Maybe you would've found a way to use it.

My wife can absolutely get into these good mindsets too, but today she was a little off and overloaded with everything. I understand.

But it made me think:

At any given moment, which kind of person are you going to be?

You Have Two Decisions

You can be the person who finds a use for the situation and figures out how to make it work for you.

Maybe you think. Maybe you plan. Maybe you have a conversation you never would've had. Maybe you see something you never would've seen. And maybe you carry that discovery into the rest of your day.

Or...

You can be miserable.

"I'm stressed."
"I'm anxious."
"Oh my God, I have to wait."
"I don't even have my phone!"

Those are two very different responses.

And here's the important part:

They are decisions.

Is this starting to resonate? Keep reading because it's all about to connect...

Can you think of a situation in your own life when the day didn't go according to plan—and your immediate decision was that the situation sucked?

Because the situation isn't always the thing that decides what happens next.

You decide what the situation means.

So I Ended Up on a Farm

We finally got to the correct place. I dropped my wife off again.

But I still didn't immediately drive away.

Good thing.
She came back out.

"I can't find the place. I need to use your phone to call her."

It was a little tricky to find, but eventually we got her where she needed to be. Now I had time to kill.

So while she was at her appointment, I searched for parks. This is something I frequently do.

I found this park/farm situation with animals really close by, so I took my little four-and-a-half-month-old son with me. And he's been loving it.

We saw animals. We walked around really slowly. We got outside.

And then I thought:

Why don't I voice this blog?

So I pulled out my phone, started recording, and began talking through everything you're now reading.

Going to this farm and seeing animals and nature in their natural element amongst each other continued giving me the bliss and peace I needed to cultivate today after some family-spirited debates.

And now...

I have a new park/farm.

A new beautiful place. A place where I can see horses and goats that's really close to my house—and I didn't even know it existed.

I found something new because of a situation that could've been aggravating.

I could've focused on: Why didn't my wife do more diligence? I could've focused on how upset she was about certain things. I could've focused on losing my Saturday morning into my afternoon.

But I also understand what it's like having a newborn, not having our families around during this season of our lives, and how tough that can be.

And again...

You get to decide what to focus on.

That's the reasons I shared this story.

You Have to Hunt

That's really the challenge for us every single day.

You have to hunt for the use in the situation.

Practice the awareness that you can switch a situation you're in so it can work for you or with you, instead of deciding it's working against you and complaining the whole time.

And part of that is the language we use.

Instead of:

"I'm miserable."

Maybe:

"I'm feeling a little off."

Instead of immediately:

"I'm so stressed and agitated."

Maybe:

"I'm a little overloaded with what to do right now."

And then follow it with something useful:

"How could I use this?"
"What could I find here?"

That's transformational vocabulary.

You're not hiding from your emotions. Your emotions are signals. They're messages. Listen to them.

If you're annoyed because you didn't want to spend your Saturday driving your wife to an appointment, notice that.

I did. 🤣

As an entrepreneur, Saturday is a workday for me. Normally, I would've done my first three hours of work and then gone out to enjoy the day. Maybe with my wife. Maybe taking her to an appointment if needed.

Today I had to adjust. I had to rearrange. I had my coffee three hours later than I wanted. I woke up with a sluggish head. Things didn't happen in my preferred order.

Newsflash: It will never be the perfect day.

Can you think of a situation in your life right now where you could use this?

Not six months from now.

Right now.

Something that's annoying you. Something that interrupted the plan. Something you're calling a problem because it wasn't in the script.

What could you find there?

This Year, I've Needed More Nature

Part of this year has been becoming aware that I need to be in nature more. So today gave me the perfect "excuse."

I've been utilizing situations like this to push into parks and push into nature.

Then, after I embrace it and suck it in, I've been recording these ideas while I walk with my son. Later, I can transpose them into something useful for readers like you.

And it serves me too. It lets me reflect. It lets me hear these ideas and decisions again.

Because repetition is the mother of skill.

We need to practice what we want in life.

I didn't wake up this morning planning to end up walking around a farm with my son, looking at horses and goats while speaking a blog into my phone.

But here I am.

And I'm glad I'm here.

Your Challenge

The next time something screws with your plan, catch yourself before you automatically decide what it means.

You don't need to pretend you're thrilled. You don't need to ignore your emotions.

Listen to the signal.

Then ask:

• How could I use this?

• What could I find here?

• How can I make this situation work with me instead of against me?

Change the vocabulary if you need to.

"I'm miserable" can become "I'm feeling a little off."

"This is horrible" can become "This is a new situation."

"I'm so stressed" can become "I'm a little overloaded. What can I do with this?"

That's the practice.

Because there will never be the perfect day. There will be forgotten phones. Wrong addresses. Babies. Appointments. Sluggish mornings. Family-spirited debates. And plans that get completely rearranged.

You don't always get to direct the external situation you're given.

But you do get to decide what you focus on, what it means, and what you do with it.

Today, I chose the farm.

And I got a pretty damn good blog out of it too.

Keep directing,

Tony